I will / will not....

I have decided I have got to get out of this funk pattern I am in. I am relishing it too much. I can see the tip of the iceberg called slowly losing my mind beginning to appear.

It needs to go away. Soon.

Today I go back to work. I think I need to. Rockin' the orange and all that. Shiny happy people. We'll see how it goes.

So that will be the beginning of a "normal" routine. Of course my normal will never be the same again. Case in point, I left the house earlier ...WITHOUT MY iPHONE !! Yes, I know. And I realized it as I pulled out of the driveway and just went ahead and did my errands anyway. I didn't care. The person I want to talk to the most isn't going to be calling me anymore. And I'm damn mad and pissy and whiney about that.

That got me to thinking...I gotta get back to some type of routine. I will / won't.
I will not let grief consume me. They say there are 5 stages. I'm definitely immersed in #1 and #2 , and have even tiptoed over to #3 a few times. I say I will not, but I'm letting IT.

So today is a small step. Back to work.

Tomorrow is Easter with Greg's family and fresh flowers for my visit to the cemetary.

MONDAY is get my ass back in touch with reality day.

See this person with the goofy grin on the elliptical???

I want her back.


* start going back to the gym , I gotta get back in shape
* go back to the fake bake, even though I know it's bad for me, I like it
* start riding my bike again
* walk these two crazy ass doggies that I treasure
* eat healthier again, I was once on the right track
* spend more time with friends, and family
* definitely go back to my counselor
* try to see past my front door


* let this beat me

There's a few more wills/will nots that I have, but I'm gonna keep those to myself.

I would like to request that any of you reading this prod my behiney along and make sure I am doing my "will" list....I often procrastinate and excuse myself out of things I should be doing. Don't need to be doing that no mo'.

Feel free to do that here, or email me at Or tweet me. Or Facebook me.

Just don't leave me alone. I WILL be needing yall.


Gonna go get ready for work.


Anonymous said...

Kim, I think you're doing marvelously!! And I like my fake bake too. So we can be tan and gorgeous together!!
You're on the right track, and I think any "mental health professional" would say you're moving along just as we do.

Enjoy your weekend. Make your plans, make lists, set goals. It's all good, baby!!!

And I'm envious of the iPhone. Just sayin. ;-)

Franny (NCParkFan2)

TexasRaceLady said...

Damn straight get your ass back to work --- both kinds of work. Your mind needs to be engaged by other problems, and your body needs the exercise.

It won't hurt to leave the phone at home now and then --- or leave it turned off until you need to use it.

Get the leashes out and run the asses off the dogs. Flush out your brain with those endorphins.

Staying inside, wrapping yourself in your grief is not going to change things. It won't bring Greg back, and it won't help you.

Above all, keep talking. I'm listening. I have lots of experience in being a pushy bitch -- after all, I taught 7th graders for 30 years. LOL


Big Pissy said...

The other two comments gave you awesome advice. :)

You're on the right track for sure...and of COURSE I'll come back and prod you to do things.

I didn't send people to jail (in my former job)for nothing, you know!!! ;-)