Hockey pucks

“How do you feel?”

Someone asked me that today. Well intentioned. But I hate that question.

I answered with my usual “OK” and smiled. HA ! Got by that one….

But really, I don’t know how I feel. Not regularly. I can give you ten second increments, but who knows what memory or feeling is lurking around the next thought in my head?? And that damn Lecter fella is always floating around somewhere like a bad fart.

Actually, I feel like a hockey puck. I’ve been dropped, stepped on, kicked, and I go from heretothereandtheretohere with the intensity of what feels like someone smacking me with a stick.

Take today. I had a fairly decent morning and a short pleasurably easy shift at work. I was looking forward to watching the Belmont on DVR and I purposefully stayed away from Twitter, Facebook and the interwebz in general so I wouldn’t know the outcome. Then I got off work.

I got in the car, cranked up and started heading home. And HEY there that bad fart was !! I literally had to stop in the parking lot, repark and regain my composure so I could drive. Then I cried all the way home. WTF? Really?
Yes, really. I managed to make it home, calmed myself , took a hot bath and watched the race. That helped.

Now I’m blogging. I’m sure it’s getting tedious listening to me whine about my life in between highs of baseball and shopping, but it is what it is.

I am a hockey puck. All black and dark and bouncing around this life when I would like to be doing nothing better than just hanging out with bright shiny hot pink hockey pucks that live a bright and shiny happy pink hockey puck life.

But I’ll play this game Lecter. And in the end, I’ll beat you.


Beautiful Mess said...

Not only will you beat Lecter, but you will make him cry for him mommy while rocking back and forth in the fetal position!
It comes out of the blue sometimes and it really sucks. But the one thing that you can take from that crying moment is: it's one less you'll have AND it wasn't in public!
I was always so scared to go out in public for fear of someone asking me THAT question and I start to cry.
You're doing fine, hon! Keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

My new favorite passtime is hockey. I don't believe in coincidences. Just sayin.

I've not had the tragic loss you have, but I lost my daddy 20 years ago, and I had a very traumatic divorce a few years back. Lecter was part of both of those experiences too. I was leaving work one day during the seperation, and someone asked how I was, and I did what you fear. I lost it, lock stock and barrel. I had a complete meltdown between floors 3 and 1. The kind where I couldn't stand up. I don't think that person ever asked me how I was doing again. But everyone in a 1500 person building heard about it, I'm sure. But it didn't matter. I survived. I went back to work. I had a 45 minute commute, and I can't tell you how many times I sobbed uncontrollably for the last 25 minutes, but I did it, and I am still here. You will be too. I promise.

And the idea of a pink perky hockey puck is just .. wrong.

I love you Kim.

Blondefabulous said...

I'll listen any day of the week.

TexasRaceLady said...

Kimmy, we all live a hockey puck life. Some days we're shiny and pink, some days we're black and well used. A lot of us are faded with lots of dents and dings.

You've got a lot of life left in your hockey puck life. Keep your head in the game, and you'll win.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I'm sorry you had a bad day. I feel like a broken record over here, because I think every time I comment, I say "I can't even imagine". And that's true - even though I lost both of my parents in a 14 month time period, it doesn't seem to hold a candle to the pain you're experiencing. I hope you have a better day today!

LOVIN7 said...

All I can do is send you ((BIG HUGS)) Cozzie.

Turnbaby said...

Sugar if anyone was bothered they would either tell you or not read. As long as this writing is positive for you that is all that matters.

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

damn right you'll bet the bastard!


Bubblewench said...

Hope today is better.

Hugs to you!

And you will beat him.