Monday

Here comes the hard part......

Halloween is over.

Now the hard part starts.

In the next 2.5 months I will have a buffet of despair and agony to choose from. In these days will be Thanksgiving, the Iron Bowl, our wedding anniversary, Christmas, New Years and Gregory's birthday. And of course Probate Court, and the ever present 20th of the month.

The rapid decline of my father from effing-gd-sob-asshat cancer is not going to help make things better. And that's not his technical diagnosis but that's my name for it.

I'm planning some things to keep me busy and hopefully get me through with a minimum of visits by Dr. Lecter and a lack of wailing fits, but damn it's still gonna be tough.

As my very good friend reminded me we are entering fall tornado season and Skywatcher training is coming up, so that will help keep my inner meteorologist busy.

I have a trip back home planned to see my oldest and dearest friends, and I plan to spend a little time in New Orleans while I'm there. New Orleans is dear to my soul, and G and I spent so many great times together there. I hope it will only do me good.

My Saints and my Yankees are doing well, can't say the same for my beloved Auburn Tigers but I love them anyway and as Mrs. Clairee Belcher said in Steel Magnolias.... " I do so love football, but it's hard to parlay that into a reason to live."

Soon after Christmas Mardi Gras season will begin, another of my favorite times of year. And myself and some of my fellow bloggers may throw a spring New Orleans trip together.

And again let me say that the Blogging community has helped me so much these last 7.5 months, thank you thank you thank you. I love all of you and would be lost without your true friendships.

So here I go into the holidays.

It's going to be a bitch, but armed with memories, knowing that Gregory would have wanted me to be happy, and the love and support of good friends I'm going in headfirst with all of my heart.

I think I can.

I know I can.

17 comments:

MOMS said...

You ABSOLUTELY can! First year after a tragedy is so horrible. I remember trying to fix my body in ways that could actually block the days from coming. Like if I stood up really straight then time would stop. Stay busy, stay connected, you've got a lot of people here for you!

metalmom said...

I can't begin to imagine your pain. It sounds trite and overused but it will get easier. The memories become bittersweet but more bearable when you share them with family.

And yes, you have the blogging community. We try so hard to reach out to each other and sometimes that is enough to give us the strength to face the next five minutes....and the next...and the next...

hello haha narf said...

if you want to escape to pittsburgh, you are welcome to celebrate thanksgiving, christmas and / or nye with me and my huge, crazy family. i've got a good shoulder to cry on iffin you wanna. or the family is goofy enough to take your mind off of things for a few hours.
(please know that this is a sincere invitation. we would love the company. and the food is great!)
love to you.

Coloradolady said...

Hard...yes I am sure it will be, and I have no words of advice, if you have been following along on my story on my blog, you can see I would not know what to offer as a solution......that being said, just chin up and try and keep all the sad thoughts at bay, and focus on the happy ones....and I know that is so easy to say....and not so easy to do...Hugs Kim....

Rachel said...

you know how to reach me (I think i gave you my cell) so if you need to talk or whatever - CALL ME.
i am always around for friends.

(((hugs)))) xoxo

Blondefabulous said...

You have my number. I'm a great listener.

Kim said...

Thanks yall...and Becky, I may just see you in The Burgh for NYE !! I would love that !

Lisa Hayes said...

The year was 1997. My beloved mother died in March. Our beloved dog died in July. And I lost our first baby in a miscarriage in November. I don't remember Christmas that year or the next year either to be honest. I don't remember much at all from the next 12 months. But it does get better. You will never get over it but you will learn to live with it and maybe one day many years from now make peace with it. Don't give up hope and don't keep it all inside. Let it out. That was my biggest mistake and the one I regret the most. Hugs honey.

Hilly said...

Central Florida is a happening place full of people who can't get home for the holidays (see me for details). Although for a different reason, this will be my first holiday season on my own as well and I am totally going to lean on friends.

You can do this and hey, if you need to get away to Florida, we will open you with open arms. :)

HEATHER said...

God bless honey. If it helps you any I keep you in my nightly prayers. ((((HUGS))))

marty said...

All's I can do is make you laugh, Kim. Perhaps, I could have the People on the Train visit you.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Try to concentrate on what he would have wanted for you. I think that's the best way to honor his memory. Celebrate all those things in a good way. This year, Thanksgiving falls on exactly the 4 yr anniversary of my mom's death. I'm not looking forward to it, either, but I'll make it count, somehow....

Ren said...

I think you're coping amazingly well.

It would be nice to visit NOLA in the spring as I don't think I've been there other than Coronation Ball (Jan) and Mardi Gras (Feb) since I was a kid. Weather at Mardi Gras is hit-or-miss, though we've definitely had some nice days. I've I am able to make it, I may try to make it a family affair as my kids have never been to NO.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

You are going to make it. I remember those first holidays without my dad and wondering how I would make it through. You will.

And there's always a home/bed/place at the table for you in Woodstock during said holidays if you need to get away. My kids can distract people from ANYTHING. ;)

TexasRaceLady said...

Stay busy, Kim.
Celebrate each day, Kim. Every day you move one step closer to end of the Grief Tunnel. Don't look back -- it doesn't help.

I remember the year my mom died -- in September. That holiday season was anything but joyful. But the next one was better -- and we finally reached the goal of being able to remember the good times, and celebrate the season without the agony.

You will make it.

And, if it all gets to be too much, you can come to my little piece of Texas and hide out for a while. Have plenty of room. :-)

hunibuni said...

I understand everything you're saying. I had my wedding anniversay 2 days shy of the first 20th for me. From Father's Day until August was a damned nightmare. Then October was a beast. And now the "Hell-I-Days" are flying at me.
All we can do is stick together. We should make a date for the 20th's and have a good strong drink together on messenger and cry together.

Mwahs
'Buni

Mean One said...

You'll be fine, because you already know the key to surviving, even if you haven't put your finger on it yet. Just take it as it comes!