Bah Humbug.....

Halloween is over.

Thanksgiving is on it's way.

I made it through Halloween OK because G was just kind of "meh" about it. Patrick's mom usually had him at some event or another and heaven forbid we be invited to go along. So usually G was always working or busy, so Halloween was kind of "my" holiday. Like Mardi Gras. "Our" holidays were Christmas, the Fourth of July and St. Patrick's Day. Thanksgiving was a day where we knew we would have to choose where to go family wise. With G, it was a no-brainer. We went to the lake to be with my parents, his "mom and pop", except for the year of the tornado. Christmas and the 4th were always at the lake....and SPD? Always New Orleans.

Christmas is already making me ill. Those damn "I love you" commercials make my head want to spin. Seeing all of the gifts and stuff knowing I have no family of my own to buy for makes me sad. My stepson won't get his bounty that I laid out with almost as much excitement as he would get from seeing it. My SD? Don't get me started. I always tried to make her Christmas special as the ones she had growing up before G got her from her abusive mother were not good. See how that made her turn out. And I always had to wait til the last minute to get G's presents because I could never wait to give them to him ! I cannot even stand the idea of a Christmas carol right now. I am in no mood to deck anyone's halls or fa la la la la, la la, la la. And I know it's not about gifts and stuff, but that's part of it.

And to be totally honest? I'm still mad at God and really don't want to give his son a party at the moment.

Where's the holiday that says I feel like shit and I'm jealous of the rest of yall that will have the Hallmark Christmas?

Oh yea.


I'm off to find me an aluminum pole.

The airing of grievances will come soon.

Feats of strength? You're looking at one.

Happy Festivus for the rest of us.

And Bah Humbug.


sybil law said...

I rarely have a Hallmark Christmas, and that's mostly due to my In -Laws. Gah. Every year I want to skip Christmas and run away to an island somewhere. Wanna go?! (I wish!)

Coloradolady said...

Kim, The Hallmark Christmas is only for tv commercials. Oh, maybe they do exists for some people, but honestly, not in my life.....this time of the year is so stressful, for so many reasons, I can not wait for them to be over.....hang in there.....and remember you are not alone....some of us are in pain too, just a different kind!

Maybe do some Christmas shopping for a needy family....that is where the true spirit of Christmas really lies....

The Duchess of Wessex said...

Ha! Just like the others that have already commented on your post, I'm here to tell you that the Hallmark Christmas is just a marketing ploy. It doesn't exist. Anywhere. Not even for families like mine where we, (the parents) have been married 24-years and have 2 sons, now 18 and 21. I miss the days of little feet and their belief in Santa - now one is in the Army and always in danger and the other is out on his own, "finding himself" at our (great) expense.

So please... Don't drive yourself mad wishing for something you can't not only NOT have, but that doesn't exist for ANYone any way.

When I think of you I imagine that what you (are SO right to) miss is your G and the imperfect, perfect holidays you spent together. I am fairly certain that nothing else mattered, not the weather or the gifts or where you spent the holiday or with whom, so long as the two of you were together. Now THAT'S something to miss and quite frankly, to be pissed off about losing.

I'm with ColoradoLady... I say THIS SUCKS for you, and I wouldn't wish your loss on the most evil terrorist (okay, maybe them...) but looking at your life from the outside, I say you gather up those sweet pooches of yours and you find an organization that has a Christmas Wish List of some needy family and you go to town for them. Don't waste your heart, time or money doing for G's kids or anyone else who doesn't cherish you as the Gift you are to their life. Do something grand for YOURSELF or some anonymous family and remember that you are blessed. Even with all that you've lost, you are so very, very blessed!

My vote is you buy yourself something Mac for Christmas, and let your heart full of memories of G and the time you had together warm you from the inside out.

Love will find you again... And, when it does, you will be ready. In the meantime, know that you are the best daughter your father could have, your mom's world, and the best sister, auntie and friend anyone could ask for. Not to mention one heck of an entertaining and funny blogger.

Now... Carry on!

Robin said...

I couldn't have said it any better than the Duchess. Great advice for anyone!


Robin :o)

TexasRaceLady said...

Kim, Hallmark Christmas, WTF is that? Oh, yeah, that the crap that TV and stores try to force-feed the public.

Find a local charity that needs help. Donate some time to help out.

Here in Texas, the malls put up Angel Trees. They are loaded with names of kids who really need someone to give them Christmas. Why not give a child or two something that will make this year special.

Check with local nursing homes or retirement centers. If you think Teddy and Beau could handle it, see it they would let you visit with the pups. If not, give of yourself.

HEATHER said...

Yes, I was going to suggest adopting an angel tree child or two. Praying for you honey.

LOVIN7 said...

Well everyone else has advised you to help somebody else who will be without presents, or just alone with nobody to share the holiday with. GOOD advice my friend! My mom is in a nursing home and there are people there who never have anyone to visit them or tell them they are loved. That would be perfect for you if you can handle it what with your dad being sick and all. Even in our poorest times I've always gotten one or two names from the Angel Tree and bought gifts for other children. I tell ya it really make s feel GOOD even if you never know who gets them ((HUGS)

Supa Dupa Fresh said...

Your friends have some brilliant ideas.

Giving to others was definitely a very healing thing for me during grief.

Although, I had forgotten some of the details of Festivus -- airing of the grievances is an awesome ritual for many of us.