I got me a pretty monkey...

Yes, the title of this post was something someone actually said to me....

Once upon a time, before my husband died and my story became a bad Lifetime movie, I had a life.

I had friends. Lifelong friends. Regular haunts, restaurants, bars, places to go and things to do. Traditions. Annual events. Fun. Hey let's load up and go here and here and here just because we can !!! And because OMG how much fun did we have last time !!

I lived in Poplarville, Mississippi for over 20 years. After growing up in Singapore, it was like coming back to Mayberry. But it was a good thing. A good town. And even better people. No matter what, it will always be home. And that is where my heart is.

We went here every year. . As usual, we stopped and got a few gallons of daiquiri or two on the way to go along with our ice chest on wheels . (Perfectly acceptable in Louisiana to BYOB to the fair ! In a state where we have a law saying it's ok to shoot a carjacker?? That's tame.)

Besides the rides, the Washington Parish fair (no counties here, we're special yall) had all of the cheesy carnival games guaranteed to make you blow your dollars while still having a blast. My fave?? Betting a quarter on a colored dot and hoping that the ball rolled into it's corresponding hole. A cajun version of roulette, if you will. The ball used to be a mouse that would be released from a box and run into a hole of his choosing, but with PETA and mouse labor unions all that came to a squeaking halt.

One miraculous night I laid down a few of my quarters and lo and behold, the ball fell into my hole.

Wait, let me rephrase that.

It wasn't just any hole, it was the golden hole !!

Oh shit.


OK, erase those visuals from your mind.

I put a quarter on a SPARKLY GOLDEN SPOT ON A WHEEL ( not my hole, get it? ), and the ball sniffed out my golden sparkly hole (dammit) and fell right in !!


And I may very well have jumped up and down a bit (just to make sure it was securely in the hole, yanno).

Because as any good fair-going woman knows, when the ball lands in the golden hole, you get a prize!

And not just any prize mind you, ohhhh noooooo, you get the top prize ! The prize that sticks out amongst all of the other fair prizes ! The prize that shows itself proudly with the biggest tent pole at the fair ! No low hanging prize for you missy ! You get the well-hung, top prize!

Uhrrr, wait.

Oh the hell with it.

You get the biggest, hairiest, most squeezable prize in all of fair-land - the STUFFED ANIMAL !!!

YAY !!

And then you get to cart said prize through the fairgrounds, all the while deflecting the jealous stares of lil' children whose prize gathering skills are still in progress, the evil glow of the women's eyes who implore you to take your skills away from the prizes of their husbands, and the longing in said husbands eyes who think, ohhhhh she knows how to handle the balls that lead to the golden spot.....

....and while you walk proudly through the crowds with the prize that only your golden hole could procure, a voice calls out from the masses....a voice weathered by the years of Pall Malls and late nights of singing along with the American Legion band...a voice destined to remind you of your worst nightmares dreams of glory at the fair...

... the voice pierces your ears and it says.....

"Hey little lady.....YOU SURE GOT A PRETTY MONKEY!!!"....

...and after the inevitable moment of HORROR, and the grasping of your pretty monkey while trying to hold your friend's mouth shut so her peals of laughter won't crack glass within 10 miles, you gather up the inner strength and intestinal fortitude to say these words....

"Well yes, yes I do ...... Thanks !!!"

**This post approved by PRETTY MONKEY.**


BeautifulWreck said...

LMAO... This was a very funny post. I have to meet you in real life.

Marnie said...

OMG! I wish I could have seen the look on your face! Priceless!

Anonymous said...

Everything about this post deserves a thumbs up!

Christine said...

That was hysterical!!

Bubblewench said...

What a hysterical post! Love the monkey!!

TexasRaceLady said...

Oh, Lord help me. Kim, you owe me a new keyboard and monitor, and new shirt --- because I just sprayed coffee EVERYWHERE !!


Posters, I've met this crazy woman several times-- at even crazier parties --- she is FOR REAL !

Geez, I miss the TOXX-Mahal.

Beautiful Mess said...

HA! YAY for pretty monkeys! Hope you have a great day today, hon. Sending you lots of love.

sybil law said...


Robin said...

This is the most hysterical thing I have read in a long time!!


Robin :o)

hunibuni said...

Considering I am from East Tennessee, I understand the logic and the horror of this story. Remind me to tell you the story about me telling Rich behind a curtain one time "well I can't put it in all by myself, you've got to make it stiff so it will fit!"