I got nothin'.....

Hi.

I got nothin'. Bupkus.

I've been "in a mood" all day. I just want to hide out in my media room (which is conveniently in our basement) and surf, play Wii and watch TV.

I worked all day, I'm tired and grouchy.

But this did make me smile today. Hope it does the same for you.

I can TOTALLY see Beaux pulling off this stunt.

My mother will have a hissy if he does...DRAIN THE POOL !! DOG GERMS !!

Me-mes....

Alot of people that have recently met me and started reading my blog can only define me as "Kim whose husband Gregory died."

Even though that is unfortunately a HUGE part of who I am now, there's a lot of other things about me that make me who I am as a person. Many of them I like, many of them I don't. But all in all, it's all me.

So here's kind of a bullet list of things about Kim.....


* I was born in Mississippi but grew up in Singapore, because my dad was in oil.

* My dad also grew up overseas. In Liberia. He had monkeys, elephants and such for pets. What a life.

* I was born two days after Camille, lived through a tornado tearing my parent's house apart in 2004, made it through Katrina, was in a boat that was struck by lightning and have survived a monsoon or two. If the weather gets bad you may want to get away from me. Far, far away.

* When I was 3 I fell off the roof of our house and almost "PUT MY EYE OUT."

* I loved Singapore and am so thrilled to be reconnecting with friends from there thru the interwebz. Yay interwebz!

*Upon moving back from S'pore I lived in Poplarville, MS until 2005. I miss my friends but again, the miracle of the interwebz is bringing us together !

* My mom is deathly afraid of animals but has always let me have a dog. Thanks Mom.

* When I was 13 I walked through a sliding glass door and had 182 stitches in my legs and face. Oh and plastic surgery.

* I have trekked in Nepal, camped in the Australian outback and walked along the Great Wall of China.

* I have also been to about every country I can think of.

* But I've never been to the Grand Canyon.

* My dad played pro football for the 49ers for a few years.

* I have always struggled with weight - up/down/up/down. But I'm ok with that now.

* I have an older brother whom I adore - Hi Alya !!

* I used to be a cop. Near the end, I HATED IT. I wasn't actually thrilled with the circumstances of my leaving law enforcement but it was the best thing that happened to be professionally.

* I am now a computer nerd and I LOVE IT. I LOVE going to work. Except when I'm in a funk, and getting there usually alleviates that.

* I am obsessed with the weather. I wish I was a meteorologist.

* I miss my grandparents now more than ever. I wish my Papaw was here to guide me.

* Speaking of my Papaw, he didn't speak english until he was 12. Only french..and my dad was born in NOLA...so technically I'm a cajun girl.

* I have no musical talent whatsoever. I can't draw, I can't sing, I can't dance. Somewhere in the gene pool I lost out.

* I love t-shirts. Any cool restaurant, bar, visiting place, if you've got a cool t-shirt, it will be mine.

* At Mardi Gras and parades in general, my friends used to call me the bead whore. I never flashed for any, but I was good at getting them !

* I love jello shots.

* I am having a hard time watching my Daddy fight cancer but I can't stand to not be around him.

* I am mad at God and the world in general, but especially me, for taking my Husband away.

* I am trying very hard to deal with the thing above. Not so easy.

There's alot more that I am sure I will add, but I'll leave that for another post.

Happy Wednesday everyone.

Oh and one more thing.

* I love my husband.

Strength

Many people have been telling me lately that I have "strength."

Not really.

It's more of a facade fueled by sunshine. I can be strong in the light.

I was very strong in the daylight today. And every day. I laughed, I smiled, I acted like the strong person everyone thinks I am.

But sometimes the darkness creeps in on even the brightest of days.

It's happening more frequently.

And I don't have the strength to stop it.

Today, I actually turned the radio on.

Lately I haven't been listening. Maybe to Rick and Bubba once in awhile. Otherwise, I'm in the rental car with no satellite. So I can't cushion myself with news and weather and mindless chit-chat like I can in the Dog/Nerd mobile with Satellite.

I actually may hear a song or two. There is one I listen to a million times a day that I may share with yall. Someday. But right now it's my song. Healing. That's how I roll.


I think I accidentally left the radio on a country station that replays R&B (RicknBubba)in the afternoon. But when they aren't on ....music.

Ooops.

And today I heard this.



My life has turned into a music video. One that I have been torturing myself with all day. And half a night.

One that I don't want to be in.

But I punish myself with it.

Because even though yall Twitter, you FaceBook, you e-mail, you are here for me.... I am still alone. But I appreciate you more than I can express. Because even though you are here, you're not here.


But you're with me either way. And I thank each and every one of you for that.

I am going through a hell I never knew existed.

I still miss my best friend , my buddy, my soul mate, and the greatest person in my life. I will never " get over it."

There are nights when I can listen to "happy songs" and my heart smiles knowing it is a little bit about us.

But right now, the "not-so-damm-happy" songs are winning.

I need to jerk the damm radio out of my car.

The Luckiest

After Gregory and I eloped and got all married up at the Shelby County Courthouse.....( months before "The Wedding that turned into an after-party")...when we got back in the car at the courthouse, DavidJ was just finishing up "Crash" ...and we listened to this song and just talked about " WOW - WE JUST DID IT BABY!!!" and we giggled like kids and said how we were so lucky.....it was like pure love was just oozing around the car...

(I would make this video with a pic of G instead of Ben Folds....but I don't know how yet. All I know is that this is one of our Sunday Songs......for many years....it made us cry then while we held hands. I still cry now. Just by myself.)







Thank you G, you made me the luckiest. And it was the best time of my life.

I miss us. I love you.

It's our Sunday babes. And I'm gonna go spend it at our favorite place.

Thank you for being in my life.

I hope you're with me in the next one.

Smile

Today was a regular day.

Work was work, and other than stopping by Costco and Stix for takeout I didn't really have anything going on.

So far it's been a good day, now on comes the night.

When I got home, the two perro locos (crazy dogs) were eagerly awaiting my arrival and proceeded to greet me in a manner befitting the princess that Gregory told me I am many times over. ;)

I unloaded everything and then sat down for a few minutes to see if I could catch the Yankees game.

My boys decided to play.

I took these pics with my iPhone.

They look like they're smiling.

It made me smile.

I hope it makes you smile too.

Five

It's been 5 weeks today. Well, at 1109 pm tonight.

5 weeks without my bestest buddy, my baby, my nemesis, my match, and my best friend ever.......wow.

5 weeks of a hell I never knew existed.

Despite that fact, today has been a fairly ok day.

I had a great counseling session, and I left feeling better.

Then I decided to do 5 things for me.

* I got a mani/pedi.

* I bought myself a cute new pair of flip-flops.

* I indulged in a Smoothie King smoothie.

* I rode around on the John Deere with Sam Adam's cousin(s), Mr. Summer Ale....whilst el loco puppy-o's circled around !!

* Then I took myself to Fox Valley where my friend is a bartender and treated myself to steak and crab cake and a nice salad. Oh and a few martinis and one irish coffee.
(P.S.) With strawberry shortcake to go....nom nom nom)

*** And while riding home...I heard The Allman Brothers "Blue Sky"....which is one of G's favorite songs.....and I actually listened to it, and smiled!!

It was a blue sky kinda day in Central Alabama today.....

If you've never heard it....here's a snippet of the chorus....

You're my blue sky,
you're my sunny day.
Lord, you know it makes me high
when you turn your love my way,
Turn your love my way, yeah.


Then I had to have a guilty moment - with a bit of a meltdown.

But that's ok. That's part of ME now.

Now I am home, re-bathed and in Greg's jammies which are way too big but feel good anyway...and I am getting ready to go pile up in our bed and just chill.

So generally I had a "ME" day. Not to mean that I didn't think about G every second. I kept looking for him in the chair next to me at mani/pedi. I had to do all of the yardwork, instead of sharing, and it was weird to shop for flip-flops and only buy one pair.....

....but it is what it is....

I have to do the Apple thing all day Saturday (YAY!!), then I am off Sunday and Monday. Since all of my yard work and most of my chores are done, I am not sure what to do with myself.

I will either lay by the pool......or.....

...do something involving a perfectly good airplane and a parachute. *ahem* Always wanted to, but if I've learned nothing else, WHAT THE HELL?!

So we shall see.

Stay tuned.......and have a good weekend.

I'm going to try and go to sleep before the monster comes.

P.S. Hug your buddy.



P.P.S. I love you baby !!!!

Chiseled in Stone..........

In the words of Vern Gosdin.....it's now "chiseled in stone."

They set up the headstone today.

I was there. I made sure everything was to his liking.

Then I sat there for about an hour, worked on his flowers, and talked to him.

And I started thinking about this song. I haven't heard it since the 80's. Probably at some bar in Bogalusa.

But boy how it rings true.