The impact the death our loved one had on us. The impact of the illness, the dying, the finding out, the funeral,etc,etc. Everyone has a different impact, even though so many of our circumstances are the same.
I have impacts from it everyday. I call them aftershocks. Yesterday, I opened a drawer in the kitchen and the knob came off in my hand. I've been asking G to fix that damn knob for 6 months. That little aftershock produced a wave of grief that sent me to the kitchen floor for a good 20 minutes. Then I got up and went to work.
At work, someone told me I was strong and that I was a rock at Gregory's funeral. I guess I was. I wasn't medicated, I wasn't anything. I think I was just in shock. I'm a rock alright, when you can see me. When you can't I'm like a big blubbering grief sponge. As another blogger recently said about himself, I can grieve like a Ninja.
I think that's why I feel so odd at this group. Some people can't even talk without crying or just bursting into sobs. I'll admit I did tear up a bit last night, but so far I haven't cried or anything. And it's not that I can't....I do. I just do it with me. I'm scared of the day that I can't control it anymore.
But even though my aftershocks are often and devastating now, the lasting impact that Gregory had on my life will never go away...
*Love
*Happiness
*Smiles
*great memories
*comfort
*self-confidence
Thank you baby for every second we had,even through the bad, we came back to the good. Thank you for having an everlasting impact on my life. Thank you. I love you.
