Not a Mom - Just a Wino.....

I've been "grouped" again.

For "not being a mother."

There is a very good wine that I used to enjoy that was asking for written reviews, so I volunteered to do so. Soon after responding to their little e-mail survey I received a thanks but no thanks reply.

To quote:

" Thank you for your interest, but we are trying to market to a demographic that you are not a member of. We want to showcase our wines to mothers of small children that would like to enjoy a glass of our products after a hectic day of being a mom. Unfortunately we would be unable to publish your review. Thanks again, and please continue to enjoy our products!!"

Sincerely, Asshat Wine Company ( real name not mentioned to deflect lawsuits)

REALLLLLLY ???

So I guess this means that mothers of teenagers can't drink your wine. Dads? You're screwed too. Gay and Lesbian parents with pre-teens ? Sorry, you're outta luck. Hell why don't yall just put a swastika on the bottle so Jewish people can't drink it? Better yet, how about a guy in a white hood, or a chihuahua, or a picture of a Vietnamese woman doing a pedicure. Shit let's offend EVERYONE who doesn't fall in your demographic !!!

I thought wine was for ANYONE of legal drinking age. Hell we had Boone's farm at the kid's table every Christmas ! One small glass per child please.

As you can tell I'm a bit peeved.

No, I'M NOT A MOTHER. I used to be a step-mom. I would have had kid's but when who would have been Baby-Daddy up and died on me that became a bit of a problem.

But I have nephews and nieces. Cousins. Friends who actually have REAL LIVE
BABIES! And many of these people DRINK WINE !! IMAGINE THAT !!!

Some of my best internet friends are bloggers with kids. Some are even "mommy bloggers". Some of them post about their kids a lot, but many of them post about dildos and dying one's nether regions blue and tattoos and what idiots their husbands can be and all kinds of normal everyday life stuff. So they can have wine , but not me. Bitches. ; )

So let's check this off shall we? Because I have no children, I can't drink _____ wine, can't get federal assistance to help me until Greg's will is probated, can't get Social Security til I'm 60, and I get asked by people don't I wish we'd had a baby so I would have something "to remember him by." Oh yes, that has happened. More than once.

I'm fed up with being looked down on because I don't have kids. Because I waited to find the love of my life before I started even considering it. It royally irks me.

And you know what's really bad?? Next year, at BlogHer 10, they'll probably be cool parties and events that I won't get to go to because I'm "not a mom." But my friends that are moms will get to go and I won't get to hang out with them !! ARGH !! I don't want the baby swag !! I just want to hang out with the people that live in my computer !!

*SIGH*

Thanks for letting me rant. I'm off to take my barren uterus to the fridge for a Sam Adams. At least he still loves me.

And BTW, I am a mom. Here are my babies.

Sunday Song......

Here's our Sunday song that G would sing to me as we made breakfast, had our mimosas or took a boat ride. Sometimes he would just grab me and dance around the room while he sang it.....oh I miss you so.......

Firsts

I'm trying to keep the weekends light and weepy widow-free, after all, isn't that what weekends are all about?? So here's a useless me-me so you'll know more dirt on me when I become Supreme Princess and all that.....and a bag of chips. *snap*

First Job: I worked at "the Creamery" across from my Granny's when I was a senior in HS. I got out at 1 because I had almost all of my credits and worked there 3 days a week.


First Real Job: Dispatcher / Jailer for the Pearl River County Sheriff's Department, which led to being a deputy then a Criminal Investigator and Evidence Tech.

First Favorite Politician: Theodore Roosevelt

First Car: 1986 Honda Prelude was the first car of my own ! The first one I really drove was my Granny's Ford Escort and Lincoln Town Car.

First Record/CD: Oh boy. I don't remember my first record but I know the first CD I ever bought was The Beastie Boys "Licensed to Ill."

First Sport Played: Geez. I dunno. T-ball?

First Concert: David Bowie in Singapore !!

First Foreign Country Visited: I think I was 5 the first time I went overseas, to Tokyo.

First Favorite TV Show: Hee Haw!!

First Favorite Actor: John Belushi

First Favorite Actress: Gilda Radner

First Girlfriend/Boyfriend: Scott I don't remember his last name but our first date was to see "Purple Rain"

First Encounter with a Famous Person: We saw Robert Redford on the street in Tokyo and my mom had a conniption. I was meh. But when I sat with Joe Montana on a plane once I was like OHMYGAWDIMSITTINGNEXTTOJOEMONTANASQUUUUEEEEEE!!!

First Brush With Death: While flying back from Singapore one of our plane's engines caught fire and we had to make an emergency landing in Guam, during a monsoon, and we had to slide down the plane emergency escape thingy.

First House/Condo Owned: My granny's home in Mississippi.

First Film Seen: I have no clue. The earliest one I remember was Smokey and the Bandit.

First Favorite Recording Artist: Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass. Yes, I admit it.

First Favorite Radio Station: WWL Radio New Orleans

First Book I Remember Reading: Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein

First Meme You Answered on Your Blog:

Here ya go....http://www.livefromthe205.com/2009/04/me-mes.html

Here it comes.....

My birthday is coming up.

Two weeks from today I'll be 40. Ugh.

And yanno, it's not really the turning 40 part that annoys me.

It's the turning 40 without him.

I was looking forward to getting old with him.

He told me once that when he turned 40, his then wife didn't do anything for him but get him a card. No party, no cake, nothing. I have always been a huge birthday person and literally think it should be a birthweek, not just a day. We called his birthday Saint Gregory Day, and he coined the term "Kimberday" to celebrate mine.

When he turned 50, I went all out. He said he didn't want a party, he just wanted to spend the weekend with me at the lake. So I took off for a four day weekend, and arranged for a few surprises. He woke up on his birthday to 50 ballons, a flat screen TV, and several yard toys, tools and doo-dads that he wanted. Along with some of his favorite movies and cd's. And his very own iPod Shuffle to take to the gym , loaded up with his tunes. He was like a little boy. We spent the weekend cooking his favorite things, riding around the lake on our boat and just relaxing. He said it was the best birthday ever. I hope he meant it.



I am not dreading my birthday. We were actually going to an all-inclusive resort for a week and float around in the pool and walk into the lazy river right outside our room and just chill.

I'm dreading the weird feeling of detachment. Sure I'll have some good friends coming in from out-of-town and my hometown friends here, but he'll still be missing.

And to add to the irony, it will also mark 5 months since he died.

But, as he would tell me, I gotta put my big girl panties on and deal with it.

So I will, and I hope, surrounded by family, friends and good wishes that it turns out to be a happy birthday after all.

Paying it Forward....

Today I think I paid it forward. Or at least I hope so.

I was at work for approximately two minutes when the phone rang. Normally I am headed out to the floor and I don't answer. But today I did.

After my usual intro spiel, I heard a man's voice say "Hi, I need some help." So I mentally prepared my automated response in my head while my mouth uttered the words "Sure!! What can I help you with?"

His response?

"My wife died , and I need the slide show she made of her life off of her computer for her funeral and I don't know how to do it. Can you help me??"

Well shit.

It would have to be ME that answered that call. God has a wicked sense of humor.

Once my brain re-engaged I gave him my condolences (which I KNOW meant nothing to him at that second) , and told him in not exactly these words to get his ass to our store and I would move heaven and earth to help him. I told him my name and told him when he got there to ask for me.

Then I hung up the phone, took a deep breath and started asking my co-workers who could help me if I couldn't do what he needed because frankly, I may have bitten off more than I could chew cause I had no idea what program the slide show was on, what format, what he really needed, nothing ! Oops.

Some people were like "wow his wife's dead and he's coming here?" and "geez, why is he thinking about that?"

I'll tell you why. The man was in shock. Even though I found out later that she was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer in May and died early this morning, he will expect her to be home when he gets there tonight.

The nights in the hospital?? Noooo that's not us! It was a nightmare!

He will still pick up the phone months later and call her to tell her something he wants to tell no one else.

He will still roll over at night to hold her and only touch an empty space.

He will hear the air conditioning kick on and think it's the garage door opening and her coming home.

He will call her to ask if we still have an onion or a lemon or if we need anything from the store.

And he will still not believe it when she doesn't answer the phone, when she doesn't come home,and when he can't hold her when he wants to.

And that is why he was here. Because a part of the person he loved is still alive on the pictures on that computer he has no idea how to work, because that's what she wanted and he bought it for her and it made her happy.

Because he is operating on auto-pilot and someone told him they needed pictures for her wake and that is what he has. And he came here for help getting it.

I knew who he was before he walked through the doors. I saw him standing on the fringe looking for someone in an orange shirt like I told him to and before that other orange shirt got to him he looked up and locked eyes with me and I just knew. He had the look. He was among us. We were among you.

Unless you have been there you don't know the look. And I just don't mean people who have lost their wives or husbands, I also mean those that have lost their children or someone they love so quickly and unexpectedly that you feel like you may not breathe again. It's a hollow look. Like nothing will ever be right again. And it won't.

I met him halfway and told him my name and asked him a few questions about what he needed and told him to have a seat and I would help him.

Then I told him that I didn't know exactly how he felt, but I had an idea. I didn't ask him if he was ok, that I understood, or anything. I just asked about him.

Then I told him. For months when customers ask me if I'm married or how is my husband or say something complimentary about my wedding bands I say "ok, fine, and thank you!" But I looked this man in the eye and told him my terrible truth and right there in the middle of retail hell he reached out to hug me. And I hugged him. And we both knew what no one else in our vicinity knew (I hope for their sake). That we are both members of a club no one wants to be in, but one that will make us stronger and make us appreciate our lives more.

I won't tell you much more , except that we helped him get what he needed at that moment for his wife's funeral.

We gave him that little bit, and when you are deep in the chasm of grief that tiny little bit can be a huge thing.

I want to thank "Ams" for taking the time to help and taking care of him. You have payed it forward more than you will ever know.

And to my new friend "K" ? Hang tight, do your thing, follow your own path. And as I told you today, you call me, you e-mail me anytime.

I am happy to be your new friend. I look forward to becoming old ones.

Recap !

From what I've gathered I have a few new readers, so for their sake I thought I'd do a bullet post about me and where I'm coming from here.....

• I live in Alabama, hence the 205 (area code).
• My husband died March 20th. Unexpectedly. Did.Not.Want.
• That makes me a widow. Do.Not.Want.
• I have had this blog for a year and a half but just really started writing after Did.Not.Want.
• I have made some AMAZING friends because of this blog. Want.
• I used to be a cop, and now I am a computer nerd. Wanted. Gotted.
• I love my two dogs. Want More. Not.
• My dad has terminal cancer. Do.Not.Want.That.Either.
• I like LOL Cats. Alot. Obviously. Nom.
  
• I will be 40 in three weeks. Do.Not.Want. Beats the alternative.
• I am a TV junkie and Twitter addict. Want.
• You may find me on Twitter @kimt205. Be my friend?? Want.
• I like that you are reading my blog! Comments? Want.

Here I am......

...guest-blogging at Karl's.....